12-Year-Old Claims R.L. Stine Wrote All His Books

Pictured: a book or two possibly written by R.L. Stine.

SCARBOROUGH VILLAGE, ON—Local horror fan Monteray Pumpernickle insists R.L. Stine wrote every book with his name on it in existence, without exception, sources confirmed Thursday.

When pressed on how one man could write over five hundred books in one lifetime, Monteray reminded reporters that Mr. Stine also did it with just one finger due to the fact that there weren’t typing lessons back when he was in school.

“Even all those Choose Your Own Adventure style Give Yourself Goosebumps books?” the press inquired.

“ESPECIALLY those,” Monteray insisted. “Sure, those, and Goosebumps, and Fear Street, and Ghosts of Fear Street and the Goosebumps TV books (adaptations of the TV show’s adaptations of his own books,) were all coming out within the same months one after the other, but you gotta understand—Mr. Stine has the fastest typin’ finger in the haunted west!”

Rather flustered by the very idea of a finger that fast, ace reporter Sharon Meadows shook herself and pressed on. “But Monteray, many of these books have been CONFIRMED to be ghost written. Ghosts of Fear Street was even named as such due to an inside joke, being that they were ALL ghostwritten! Are you claiming each of these authors to be a liar?”

At this, Monteray shook his head pityingly at her. “Oh, sweet, naive Ms. Meadows . . . R.L. Stine looked me right in the eye and said he doesn’t use ghostwriters. And he would NEVER lie to me. Not ever, in a million, zillion haunted years. Interview over.“

The Scarborough Screamer